Express. Let go.

APB x ✍

Where the line begins to blur.

The sound of nothing is like a pain staking headache that seethes right into the back of your eye balls, like weights attached to the nerves and veins, with enough pressure to rip them out.
The reak of death stains your memory along with pain you feel, along with the feeling of falling heights above pikes below.

Death before the plunge, the body I once homed, forever gone.

APB x ✍

No Face

Once upon a time, there was a man with no face. This man, without a face would often be looked at with fear or horror, or simply confusion, but most of all, people would be scared of someone without a face because they could not comprehend this living person's lack of ability to breathe or consume like every other living person. Yet, he was alive.
People were scared that he did not have eyes or a nose or a mouth, to reveal some emotion as well. He could not write or type because he could not see anything, nor could he speak. He did not need air or food, so he never needed to breathe or eat.
Despite this inability to respire or consume, he did 'see'. Not with eyes, but with the vibrations picked up from his highly sensitive skin, much like the scales on a snake, or the fine hairs on a fly.
As he did not move very much or often, he would rest in the dark, away from company, not because he did not want to be around people, but because he was simply too sensitive to 'see' people when he did.
He did not have any friends or family. Nor did he have any close-by neighbours.
He didn't have any reason to go out or to communicate with anyone.
He just sat there without a face.
He would sit in the dark and reminisce about the time he did have a face. He had seen things, spoke, ate and breathed. He remembered the colours of the skies at all times of the day, the smell of the cold frosty air in the morning, the sound of trees swaying in the wind, the taste of strawberries and the smile his mother would make when she would hug him.
He likes these memories.
But this is not the story I want to tell.

This No Face is lying on the ground in foetal position, occasionally moving and returning back into the position making muffling moans of agony and pain. There is nothing that seems to be putting this faceless person out of its misery. It bangs against the hard marble floor and with every bang, the faceless torture is quieter, as if the pain subdued or calmed it down. There was no blood or markings to suggest it was hurt or severely injured. But it continued to moan and the cycle for it's own therapy repeated over and over.
But this is not the story I want to tell.

He wanted it dead. He watched it cry and scream and continue to bang against the marble floor. He wanted the moaning to stop. He wanted the image out of his head and he wanted it gone, buried deep under or torched to ashes. He did not stop to think what it pain he would actually feel.
But this is not the story I want to tell.

APB x ✍

Appropriate Reactions

Some say, we're never meant to grow up. - Sum 41

People go on and on about how emotionally reactive one is. People pin point this as an excuse to avoid the ilments of one's human condition and vulnerability. To what degree do we empathise with another that we are able to connect with another person by having felt that way ourselves? Is not suffering in silence enough? 
It is inevitable that the moral consideration for another differs as we simple are different.
At this point, learning to overcome this, we find ways of communicating just how we feel through means of social media. In some cases, we do it so we aren't offending anyone. So what's the use of truth and to what extent do we build a wall to protect ourselves from the emotional cataclysm that seems to be built-in to those who simply are emotional by default?
We allow time to heal our sufferings, like the waves of negativity much like the domino effect. 
Let's trust the robots to do the work. 

APB x ✍

9 Ways to write about Oat Meal Cookies

Silent Conversation

We're sitting in a room. I offer you an oatmeal and raisin cookie. We quietly sip sugary tea and wrap our cold fingers around grey coffee mugs and stare in no particular direction other than down towards the carpet.

The Dirty 

Warmth, the blood moves faster as the energy from the heat of the cup caresses me as I caress it. The carbohydrates sweeten my saliva as I savour that last bite of that cookie in my mouth, to then suddenly notice the raisins wrinkly textures on the roof of my stomatitised mouth.

A Ode to Oatmeal, that isn't really an Ode

Oatmeal. Oat. Meal.
Oat. Ode, I sing to thee, my pretty.
My one and only cookie
I consume you, like you consume my love.
One oat meal cookie,
Is not enough.

Instructions to Cookie Consumption by someone with ADHD

1. Prepare tea (refer to Google).
2. Gather money from the ATM and personal bank account.
3. Put your shoes on.
4. Go to Sainsbury's shop (the closer, the better).
5. Buy Oat Meal Cookies.
6. Eat Oat Meal Cookies.
7. Slap yourself on the head because you've realized you eaten all the cookies by the time you get to your doorstep and there's cold tea on the kitchen desktop.
8. Feel sorry for self.
9. Contemplate the meaning of life for 5... 4... 3... Oh wait, I still have Suits to watch on Netflix.
10. ...


You crumpled me up. Took all I had. I had meaning. I had purpose. And all because you couldn't help yourself you just took it out of me. All of it. Even hung me upside down to take the last remains.
I am not an cookie packet. I am empty.

Jingles for metamorphosing food

I wanna be the heaven in your hell.

Slogans for dummies

Oat Meal Cookies
Best served warm and untouched.

The Fear

"Look, just do it"
"No. Really, I can't."
"What do you mean you can't?"
"I'm just not..."
"Look, it'll be fine. It'll be over before you know it. I promise"
"No you did this with me last time! I'm not listening to you anymore!"
"What!? You don't trust me, do you? You're just as bad as me!"
"No! It's not that. I just... I don't know"
"Come, on, just here..."
"Urgh, you're the reason I hate myself!"
"Are you joking me!"
"No. I'm done"
"Oh what, give me a break!"
"Oh you want some do you?"
"Mate... Really?"
"You live once mate, take it from me"
"Oh... Alright then"
[Jason with Mageirocophobia, puts hand in the cookie dough]

Thank You Stewart, the ultimate Toastmaster Extraordinaire, for sharing this with me.
You are full of ideas worth sharing. #tedxglasgow

APB x ✍


Data, tonnes of spreadsheets and primal keys, secondary keys, referential integrity and parent tables...

The data is all out there, the question is, what are you looking for?

APB x ✍

The Toughest Gig

They say life's a pitch and then you live.
This must be the toughest gig. He preached his verses. He was believable.

It's always another thing to prepare to overcome the objections,  and have a photographer friend
moving from A to B and the journey of discovery.

This was taken at West Street. Ivaylo got a new fisheye lens for his camera. We're all excited for it. 
This is another photo he took when I had friends over for dinner. I made salmon terriyaki.

The alarm went off 2x. You can't cook salmon too high a temperature. 
These are my friends.

They are great fun, and all respect each others opinions. 
We're like a messed up family.
Sometimes we go out for a day to take pictures and see interesting parts of the city. 

This was at the People's Palace at Glasgow Green.

And George Square...

And then sometimes, Subway 
where the subs are deep and the sandwiches fuelling the drive.
Which is a decent fastfood place. Let's face it.

But it's ok to have fancy lunch other places in the world. 
When we're not eating though or being fed properly,
Sometimes we confront each other's shortcomings, like love to feed off. 

This my comedian friend. She's the coolest chick I know. 
Everyone I know is cool though... especially this bunch.

Went went to Oban, and spent the night together partying up and getting to know each other. 
The whole night could have inspired a full-length movie.
But sometimes I just want to be alone and be in an indie-film. 

This was a cold winter, I spent it mostly in a dark room.
But not all darkened rooms are cold... sometimes it can be full of light and love.

This was at the art school with my Norweigan homie, my bro.
We lived on the same street this year.
The nice thing about friends is always enjoying the ignorance to a brief halt to philosophising our deaths.

And just chilling out. 

And enjoy the sun when it comes out to play.

But sometimes you have to do serious things, like get signing petitions for things like being against the Chinese government for people going missing.
Because no one likes going missing. 
So sometimes we team up with people. 

This is my flatmate. 
Everything Else is explained in the Eyes.
Like everything else you continue to see in the light of day.

Like the top of Buchanan Street. 
It's a good place to have lunch and watch the life on the street.
And later you can all crash. 

Maybe on my street. 

Which is near the city.  
Where it's near fun places like the Riverside Transport Museum and the Glasgow Science Centre. 

I used to skateboard. I used to paint. Aesthetics adds value to the mode of travel.
Like the year long journey to an internship that was a great way of combining things I like doing and being paid for it.

I made new friends and the network expands. 
The beautiful thing about growth is understanding why things happen. 
There is always a cause.

Even recognising a beautiful night sky after a day at work. 

And you spend your days off with your friends painting the town red.

And we share moments of wonder together.

Like the moment this desert touched our mouths. 

Until next time friends, it is not what you hear, but how you hear it, this song I dedicate to you <3 comment-3--="" nbsp="">

APB x ✍

15 Again

I started skitting about when I was 15.
I'm now 24.
Not vain, just documenting.
'Ollie Up'
Photography by Ivaylo Andreev (C)
'Over It'
Photography by Ivaylo Andreev (C)

 APB x ✍

Sensation: A Unit of Experience

The 'Sensation' as a Unit of Experience

"An isolated datum of perception is inconceivable, at least if we do the mental experiment of attempting to perceive such a thing. But in the world there are either isolated objects or a physical void."

"Sense experience is a vital process, no less than procreation, breathing or growth" 

It is possible that programming starts early, and is ultimately passed on, 'any experience is a good experience'. From this very statement, the seed of the fear of omission is planted. 
And regret stems from the pain that was felt through shame, physical destruction, loss... These are are inevitable facts of life. 

Stages for promotion and prevention are both means to survival nonetheless, and pain is endured to the possible feeling of reward through the pleasure in pride. 

The Body in its Sexual Being

Vitality is that which stems from the basis of our instinct.

It's a power thing.

Other selves and the Human World

"In prenatal existence, nothing was perceived, and therefore there is nothing to recall. There was nothing but the raw material and adumbration of a natural self and a natural time."

"The problem of the existential modality of the social is here at one with all problems of transcendence...

"If the world was a collection of things, [ our past as a 'field']  and the thing merely a collection of properties, I should have no certainties, but merely probabilities, no unchallengeable reality, but merely conditional truths"

I both hate and love my old self.
And if it were that all the entities I know where neither myself or 'them', then if under the circumstances I were you, and him and her, and it and that, then, dare I say, I understand.

This is when the prevention-focus kicks in and our physical limitations bound to this body, and this single perception, we cannot transcend, for energy cannot be created or destroyed. And we, a collection of properties are in this laboratory of chemical reactions. But what do I know? Tattoos are painful, and they're forever*.

We cannot level up, just yet. Stupidity is just one's lack of attention.
*Forever, the term derived from what we do perceive as what exists beyond our single perception.
Scary, is it?

APB x ✍

Beyond Pain and Pleasure

Importance of empathy or lack of?
Indifference saved a life today.

APB x ✍

Future of Clothing

Waste is inevitable, consumption is inevitable.

Technology is progressing, growing and advancing.

Using what we wasted, given time (LOTS of it) means materials for functionality (including entertainment).

Then, suddenly, I came across an article about the pain and pleasure principle. Nurturing and Protecting and absence as a Strategic means.

Tough love, in sickness and in health.

Beyond the Pain-Pleasure principle, it is the strategic ideal and desired end-states that motivate us. Pride, the triumphs over, not others weaknesses, but our own. 
(Ashley Bell, 24 Hour Labs, GCU, June 2015)

Do read more Tory Higgins 1997.

 APB x ✍

CV sneak peak

So, I was looking for jobs and then this happened...

On a serious note: Find me on LinkedIn
APB x ✍


Rock and roll. 

APB x ✍

Hi-lo, go solo.

Attachments and emotions are as good as the novelty of getting to know someone who confirms your existence, by reacting to you.

A reaction. The thing that is done.

Whether it is positive or negative.

But ignorance, and choosing to ignore another's existence is much more fatal. Or is it? If we leave things alone, are they ok? Does interference cause more suffering? Are we limited to what we save and indirectly destroy?

If serotonin levels can be managed, on a global scale, i.e. through the one thing most humans consume, food/air, could that improve life here on earth?

Attachments, like tattoos, are forever, at least to your observing being.

One thing is for sure, M* would definitely be too busy subsidising gaming to facilitate his primitive hunter needs.

Programmed, that we are.

Can snake venom really add years to your life? What is biodegrading and why does 500 years compare to 'forever'?

Is too much happiness a contributor to inhibiting productive work? Or is it the driving force? Or is anger? Is it positive reinforcements and support from fellow beings? What if humans neither had male or female parts. What if there were no boundaries and no alternative languages?

What if 1984 is really the ideal?
 No. It's not that simple. 
It's never that simple. 
Hierarchy is only one of 5 pillars (primal instincts) for human behaviour. Then there's others, the mis-wiring that causes those to deviate. 
Give them what they want, they said. Give them what they need, they said. 

By art, I'd like to point out this to be all forms of expression. I'd argue that a washing machine was art, but in context of the expression for utilitarian... again, questionable, for what is functional art? Isn't all art functional, even if we chose to decide that 'it is NOT art'... like a fork placing food in someone's mouth slowed down in a timelapse video to the sound of prolonged 1/8 synths.

And a man who suffocates himself as a performance piece... is art? 
R.I.P. J J Villamil. 

And then... the universe...

What is... thought? A memory of language, feeling, sense combined to create [place chosen alternative explanation for 'thought' here]. 
... everthing we do and are is in truth meaningless -
when considered from a sufficient distance (The School of Life) 
The rationalisations for dismissing certain emotions, working wisdom like a hot pair of jeans, and wondering the source of needs must be controlled at the centre, Ashley HQ needs consulting.

Green tea will save us. Let's start with that.

APB x ✍

Soul Immersion, Efficacy and Appreciation.

Shall we set the mood?

The beauty of instrumentals is in the focus of evocation of the very chords we interpret to either feel comfort or distress. Some claim their loyalties to genres which may correlate with their understanding and tribal allegiance. Some more closer to home that others, but in many cases, seek the so-called peace, love and empathy in the notions of rioting, structural obedience, or to simply put it wavelength and aural stimulation. The gradual and progressiveness of most of the tracks in this album all have that ear-gasm of a crescendo, like croissants and hot cocao in the morning in the south of France or the gentle breeze that floats through the canopy on a hot summer's night, whilst a lover sweats pheromones, as you catch a glimpse of the light that reflects in their darkened stare. Even in the new stuff lies nostalgia, and reminiscence of a once time-passed day that you almost forgot had you not found that scissored desert rock concert-ticket-wrist-band from a festival you became someone else, someone new, someone you never thought you'd ever be, and the anger evoked was caused by the injustices of our once known truths.You want value? We sell empowerment and self-esteem. - APB 2015 review exerpt 
This followed after listening to classical and the voice over of Scott Geller's TED talk for the Psychology of Motivation.
1. Self-efficacy/ Do you believe in yourself? 
2. Response efficacy/ Will it work? 
3. Is it worth it?

Scott Gellar, plays the drums and talks about the importance of the 3 points of motivation and competence.

Soulful - soul music claims for a general concept that encompasses all genres to be soulful. Electronic genres arguably contrast this, but what is 'soul'? The identity for which we are left with in solitude? The tiny element that goes unseen in the decrease of weight in our departure? (rhetorical, please do not attempt the answer to that. I made the choice to not want to make my mind up about it, creatively applying it in the search for relevance in value mostly).

In birth, pain, age and death, it is sure that this post, might reach out to a fellow soul, who appreciates the magnitude to which the skill in these artworks (below by Brian Smith, (reminds me of H.R. Giger, less industrial) have pleased the input of aesthetics in death and the ethereal. To appreciate the idea we don't have time but must face what we fear. Issues? The purpose of publications come to life. Lest we not forget the burning book bonfires, we must protect our ideas, not through confinement, but through virality for it must be known (to all relevant).

Part-taking in the timeline. It's temporary and beautiful. What is a person without a country when mother nature / planetary thieves swallows it up? What is the purpose of migration? What is sacred space, but the animalistic cognition between our primal instincts for territorialism, hierarchy and ritualism? (Mitch C. Bronston, wherever you are, your speculation changed my life). What is a publication? What becomes of the number of references? Collective thinking amalgamated for what? Collective truth? Confirmation, found? If the truth is ugly, we're utilising the contradiction on nihilism. This is about vitality. Fear is energy. Thank you Mr Branson for re-enlightening that concept. You're (more than a) rockstar CEO. Back to those paintings I was telling you about...

Again, Mitch C. Bronston, my message to you is to publicise The Primal Instincts and its Effects on Human Behaviour. Otherwise, I request an explanation as to the disappearance of this once available article, for I valued it that I saved it, and hope if the internet is abolished or technology becomes obsolete, that I will remember this so long as I do not suffer some long-term memory loss.
As already stated, we are, all of us, animals first and moral, intelligent beings second. Our humanity is the evolution of civilization based on intellect and not the biology given to us by natural selection. Our instincts, on the other hand, are a product of 'pre-wired' brain physiology common to all species on the planet. They are certainly more evolved in Homo Sapien than other animals, but present, non-the-less, in the great diversity of life.There are two basic instincts from which we derive our survival concepts. These instincts are present in information supplied by DNA and controlled by the nucleotide sequences of our genes. They are most certainly primordial, and predate even Cambrian life forms. They are, simply, self preservation and reproductive. All living creatures as old as life itself have these two instincts. They help keep us alive, make us aware of predators or danger, and help us pass our species adaptations to the next generation.

The next three instincts are more esoteric, because they require a brain to be present. They can be referred to as abstract instincts because of their requirement for complex neurosynaptic pathways found only in organisms with brains.The first is the instinct for territorialism. Simply defined as the need to have territory to live. The second is the instinct for social hierarchy. Defined as the need to interact with members of our own or other species in a way that exemplifies position and dominance.The third is the instinct for ritualism. Illustrated by repetitive behavior in response to our environment.As simple as these sound, they are, in fact, the complex evolution of individual survival techniques that have survived in any and all successful life forms. The correct 'prewiring' of our brains is the normal pattern of information given to us at birth and comes from primordial genes in our DNA and specific neurosynaptic pathways in the three levels of the brain. The normal spectrum of behavior throughout our species is filled with many examples. Here are but a few:Our self preservation is in play when we dodge an object or run from fire. Our reproductive instinct is most evident in our loving behavior toward a mate or offspring.Territorialism is the mechanism involved when we feel pride in our country or our rabid loyalty to a favorite sports team. Certainly our ownership of property (home, possessions and money) is territorialism. Ritualism is dominant in our expression of religious belief, daily activities, and courtship. Hierarchy dominates our social interaction with others and our perceptions of the world around us, particularly our self esteem. - Exerpt, Speculation on the Five Basic Primal Instincts by Mitch C Bronston
To make history, please publicise. Get in contact. I urge you for we must house each other (metaphorically).
The Last Painting done, in retaliation for the cognitive
dissonance and distress caused by a smelly boy
and other conflict issues.
Acrylic on papier blanc.
March 2015
The reason for this appreciation stems from needing to understand the intrinsic value that lies beyond religion, politics, and most of all, conflict and fighting for the written 'truths' and the lack of legitmacy for this reveals my appreciation for an idea that is (still) to manifest, so I must question the legitimacy of legitimacy. What is authority, if going beyond "monastic rule"? God's chosen ones? Hierarchies everywhere, even those who claim to be Atheist. A group of people will amount to abhorrent power struggles, and the smart ones homing in on the break down of a fellow's ego. To what do I owe this favour? If we, have no remorse, do we become a threat? To stray from the herd? Do we become a threat to ourselves? (Un)aware of the power our emotions have on us? Is that why we speculate and distrust those without empathy and (lack of) will to act upon the resolve?
But I must ask, comrade, how will you utilise the truth?

Bloggers, what are we? A globalised clan of people who decided not to pick up the phone and call a friend. Start a band. All for one, and one for all.

And to leave you with more images supporting the appreciation for the ethereal and the abstraction of grandeur upheld in the beauty of geometry and impressionalim, I present Dennis Konstantin.

Do you know how hard is it to capture the motion of water? (Top right) 
Layer upon layer, backgrounds, ombres of colours, and gradients, more focused and pronounced as it comes to an end, the epic crescendo. Of course, this is not the case for all 2D/3D responses to music. Which brings me to the next thoughts of the 4 dimension being movement and the 5th dimension is illusory.

To grasp what we cannot, or can we? 
Fourth dimension: dreamstate/altered state of consciousness?
De-dimensionalised and simplified and communicated for the less dimensionally enhanced?

A visionary, a vision is scary. Could start a revolution, polluting the airwaves. - Eminem, Without Me
Little Hailie is now 19 years old. Bless. Some of my music idols I've not realised to be old enough to have been my parent(s).


APB x ✍